Hey, do you hear what I’m saying?
Does your toddler only hear what he wants to hear?
Here’s how to set yourself up in the face of such selective “deafness”!
Iva was sitting and playing, ignoring my frequent requests to get her toys done. “It got me off balance – I couldn’t help but think she was deliberately doing it,” remembers Jelena, the mother of a two-year-old girl, Iva.
If this sounds familiar to you, welcome to the marvelous world of toddlers just walking through. Also overnight, your obedient baby has turned into an awkward toddler who responds with a gruesome “no” or persistent silence to your every request.
According to Nick Trop, a psychologist and lecturer at London’s Gildhol University, this is pretty normal behavior. He emphasizes that although the child has grown up, he still needs to learn a lot about the feelings of the people who live around him.
“The child has found that the main obstacle to getting what he wants is the fact that other people also have desires.”
Then why doesn’t he listen to what I’m saying to him?
It may seem that the child is deliberately naughty, but this is not necessarily the case.
»Even though he is aware of his needs, the child is not yet aware of other people around him. They just can’t understand their point of view, “Nick says. »This means that it neglects the needs of others when they do not fit their personal needs.
He cannot understand why others are so circumscribed that it interferes with his own plans. Therefore, when you tell your child to stop playing when he or she does not want it, you are simply acting in a way that he or she cannot understand. ”She may react by ignoring you, or she may become frustrated.
What can you do?
Getting to know other people’s feelings is part of growing up – but there is something you can do for yourself and your child to alleviate conflict and mutual confusion.
Ajte Listen to your child and he or she will learn to reciprocate with the same courtesy. . . Stop to listen to what he has to say before asking him anything.
It will be easier for the child to understand what you want if you go down to his or her level and look him in the eye.
Tell him what you want short and simple and speak softly so he will have to listen.
If he’s doing something that shouldn’t, don’t yell. Just remove him from where he is doing what he is doing, then turn his attention to something else.
Instead of arguing about going to the store, simply say, “Do you want red or green boots when we go shopping?”
“Let’s hope it gets so busy with the decision that it won’t occur to him to oppose the purchase,” Nick says.
Ignore appearances of anger and stubborn behavior, and remember to praise him when he really listens to you. Keep in mind that this behavior usually ceases when your child is three and a half years old!
The experience of the mother
Marijana Ilic is 33 years old, the mother of two children: Emma is three, and Ivan is 18 months.
“Emma was a happy baby, but when she was two years old, she became unbearable. She ignored everything I would ask her to do and we made war every day.
And then a friend gave me a tip. She recommended that I not give Emmy so many opportunities to say “yes” or “no.” Instead of asking her if she wants a tuna sandwich, I prefer to ask if she wants a cheese sandwich or an egg sandwich. When I need to silence her, instead of saying, “Can you stop it,” I ask if she wants to have fun with one of her books or deal with a puzzle. I also went over Emma’s silences and anger, praising her good behavior. Now I have a very good girl –
in fact, it looks like I got a completely different baby!