Two girls, two boys, or a girl and a boy…
Whatever combination you have, you can be sure that they will love each other gently.
“Mom, he’s hitting me!” You must be used to hearing these cries if you have more than one child. Encouraging siblings to agree with each other can sometimes seem like a painful struggle; but do these conflicts have anything to do with their gender, or are they simply a product of personality? Is it really twice as difficult to cope with two boys, while sisters are always good and everything is okay?
Child psychologist Dorothy Einon says that the relationship between the siblings is largely dependent on their personalities, but also on their gender. “In general, when they’re of the same gender, they fight more than brother and sister,” Dorothy says. »Two boys are more prone to aggression in the game and to fight. They may be trying to destroy what belongs to the other brother, and deliberately cut each other. “
The age difference is also an important factor; the larger the children, the less likely they will be to fight. “They may not be that close – though, the constant struggle is usually an expression of love. It’s the people you love who are the most contentious, “Dorothy explains.
More than words
Fighting and strife are by no means limited to brothers. “Girls are more prone to quarrels than physical counts,” Dorothy said. “The sisters may not fight with their fists, but they are called each other by name and sue, then cry to get their attention.”
“A younger sister often feels abandoned if her brother doesn’t want to play with her,” Dorothy explains. “The most peaceful combination seems to be an older sister and a younger brother.” The sister will involve her brother in games and may in his own way distract him from something rather than rebuke him.
“Who do you prefer?”
Jealousy is greater in same-sex relationships, especially if they are close in age. However, all siblings, regardless of age or gender, are to some extent jealous of each other. “In fact,” Dorothy says, “you should be worried if there is no jealousy, because all children tend to feel a little overwhelmed when a newcomer appears – although they tend to be more angry with you than with a new baby.”
Children can also express a competitive spirit. “What you will often find, more in girls than in boys, is that they will try to differ from each other; so one may be more masculine and the other more feminine. “
Someone to watch over me
However, it is not all about arguing. Children often feel proud, show love and often have a protective attitude. “I can hit my brother, but you can’t,” is a common feeling! Don’t worry about your kids arguing all the time – it’s all part of developing one bond full of love that will last a lifetime.
Rachel Carbaron, 34, and her husband Jan have two daughters: Ella of three years and Beth of nine months.
How did Ela react when Beth was born?
“She was surprisingly nice. I was afraid she would not be sympathetic, but they agreed from the beginning. Also, she got closer to Jan until she got along so well with me because I couldn’t devote enough time to her. She hit Beth several times in the head, but more out of curiosity than driven by some hostile feelings. “
What does their relationship look like now?
“Beth adores Ella – when he sees her, he gets excited and hits her with his legs and arms. And Ela simply loves “Betty.” She caresses her and sings to her when she cries, gives her stuff to play with and looks after her. It was Ella’s third birthday recently and she wanted to give some of her gifts to her sister Beth, which was very nice. She also makes her laugh – more than Jan and I manage! “
What makes their relationship difficult?
“If Ella wants something and I’m busy with Beth, she’s frustrated, but she’s angry with me, not Beth. Beth, however, is very patient and doesn’t mind her having to wait while I’m dealing with Ele. “
In your opinion, would the relationship be different if it were two boys or if the children were of different sex?
»Boys seem to get along better with boys and girls get along better with girls. I think they will be closer because they are sisters, but they will also argue a lot. We prepare in advance for performances l