Analysis of your lifestyle
“Hello, Greg, come home!” She said.
“What’s the matter?” Greg asked. “Something happened?”
“No, nothing happened. It’s such a wonderful day … “
“What is going on?”
“We should not miss him. We could go for a walk. “
“For a walk?”
“Hello, planet Earth is calling Melissa. I just started working on this job. It’s one o’clock in the afternoon. I can’t take it free just because it’s sunny outside! “
“I don’t understand why you couldn’t. Why did I get married if I saw you less than when we were engaged? “
What happened during this conversation? Why did Melissa even think of calling her husband? Why didn’t Greg take her seriously?
Melissa was the youngest of five children. Her father, an auctioneer, had a small business. In addition to the simple obligation to attend the auction Wednesday night, he was free to dispose of his time. When the weather was odd, which doesn’t happen often in Seattle, he took the afternoon off and spent time with his wife and two younger daughters.
You may think that a married couple discusses the rules before reaching the altar, but this rarely happens. Most married couples do not realize that such groups of rules exist, so they settle into a new home together, and the decision whether a garbage bin to stand under the sink or outside under the porch suddenly escalates into World War III. Just stepping down from the altar and looking around, reality is already catching up with you. You guess what I’m talking about? About life … your husband or you start breaking the rules.
Melissa lived in her world. She was under the impression that her twenty-eight-year-old husband, who was a full-time employee, had the same freedom as a fifty-five-year-old small business owner. But she had to learn that marriage and real life were not the same as having a love affair. After marriage, a huge burden of new responsibilities comes to their door: they have to pay their mortgage, buy groceries, and take care of the household themselves. In order to successfully overcome the sea of great change, they must set new rules that will suit the particular situation.
It becomes more complicated when we realize that the family actually has more than two members.
When two people take a vow, the united, usually at least six, people participate in it: the groom and the bride and two parents on each side. If we have a family with children from previous marriages, the number may increase to ten or more, depending on which marriage is in order. These groups of people do not live under the same roof, but their attitudes and outlook on life, values and priorities are indelible, even when these people are gone. A married couple takes a significant risk when it neglects the impact these childhood children have had. Each person enters into the life and marriage some already established rules, and the more rules, the more likely that a nonchalant partner will break one of them.
A simple approach called lifestyle analysis can help a married couple understand the rules and evaluate groups of the rules they want to adopt as their own. Lifestyle analysis helps them in many areas because, say, a father’s influence on a daughter is the strongest factor shaping her rules. If the daughter is not taught to obey all the rules she has adopted from her father – or if the husband does not learn to accept the rules his father-in-law passed on to his daughter – the spouse will soon be stingy.
I realized that it was necessary to analyze my lifestyle very early in my marriage.
“No, that’s a French key!” My wife said angrily. “I need sixteen.”
Sanda’s father was a very skilled master. For the first five years of marriage, he was struggling with this himself. “I burned out trying to remember the names of the tools so I knew what to add to Sandi when he asked. And when I need to fix something, I have two left hands. In the beginning, it was quite a problem. But Sanda soon realized that I was completely useless unless something could be fixed with adhesive tape.
” In most marriages, a woman would take this as an “attack”. “You’re breaking the rules, boy!” “A husband needs to be able to fix things in the house.” “Two more such insults are over,” would be the man’s reaction. A woman naturally expects her husband to function as the head of the family in every sense, as a support and authority, as a good father … and, in shock, if not.
Husbands, try not to forget and understand that your wife is someone’s daughter. That is where she comes from, which made her look as she is. Maybe you married your dad’s “little princess.” Maybe your father spoiled your wife, and you don’t even realize it is. Maybe it has an ingrained idea in it: I can manipulate it and get whatever I want.
The purpose of lifestyle analysis is not to find an excuse or to win a fight, but to understand why something is happening and what you are feeling. So this analysis may be more needed to analyze yourself. Of course, you can also analyze the other side, but not to change it or “rub your nose” with it, but to understand and accept it, and love and patience will do their part. This analysis helps you understand why the opposite p